Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index
Previous Profiles | Send mail to The Voice



Expectant mother grasps God
during unsettling times

After five years of trying to have kids, Holly Hooge, office manager of the student ministries department, resigned that she would never be a mother. She had asked the Lord to make her content with being childless. Yet for five years, she was not content.

"It wasn't until last May that I identified what my passion was," Mrs. Hooge said.

She realized her heart was for college ministry. She accepted her role as an aunt rather than as a mother and decided to be content wth the influence she had on other children and students. She felt satisfied with what she had.

Soon after, she discovered she was pregnant.

"We found out two days before we were going on a trip to Hawaii to visit my brother and sister-in-law," Mrs. Hooge said.

She and her husband, Mark Hooge, quickly called their relatives and told them the good news.

"Our long-distance bill was outrageous," she said. Her parents and her husband's parents were overjoyed; they had waited for grandchildren from them for a long time.

"I was surprised and happy when I found out Holly was pregnant," Mrs. Hooge's husband, Mark, said.

Mrs. Hooge also set up appointments to see a doctor. The risk of having a child with Down's syndrome or spina bifida was high because she was over 35 years old. She wasn't too worried. She felt as if her child was a gift from God; he would not give her a defective gift.

When she got back from Hawaii, she took an Alpha Fetal Protein test. The test showed that she was in a high-risk category. Due to the results, she went for more tests. All of the tests indicated that her child had Down's syndrome.

"I got the call when Mark was at work," she said. "I had waited so long, and this was not what I wanted.

"I knew that termination was wrong, but I have to be honest, I did think about throwing myself down the stairs. I shook my fist at God, asking Him why I deserved this," Mrs. Hooge said.

When Mrs. Hooge regained control, she asked the nurse on the phone the sex of her child. The nurse, so sure that the child would be unwanted, didn't bother to find out.

When Mrs. Hooge hung up the phone, she felt extremely disturbed; her child would be Down's syndrome and the nurse "just supposed" that this child would be unwanted.

Mrs. Hooge wasn't the only one to feel grief.

"When I found out our child may have a disability, I was upset and questioned why God would allow such a thing to happen to us," Mr. Hooge said.

"I was more concerned for Holly and what she might be thinking," he said. "I think we both thought we were to blame for the problem."

The following day, the nurse called and told Mrs. Hooge her child was a girl. Mrs. Hooge scheduled a series of appointments with doctors and counselors who tried to convince her to terminate her child's life.

Mrs. Hooge believed that the Lord knew what He was doing, although she didn't. She told the doctors and counselors that she served a God who was in control. He loved her and her child.

"Most of the doctors didn't know what to say when I told them about God," Mrs. Hooge said.

Mrs. Hooge didn't comprehend how tight God's grip was on her and her baby's life until she spoke with her neighbor one day.

Her neighbor, an unbeliever, asked Mrs. Hooge how she was doing.

She didn't tell her neighbor, although Mrs. Hooge knew the woman desperately needed to know the Lord.

Mrs. Hooge realized her thankfulness for the child the Lord gave her. When she failed to tell her neighbor about her thankfulness, something changed in her.

She felt like she had missed an opportunity to share the Lord. She resolved she would never miss another opportunity to share of the Lord's goodness.

"I have never been one to just share with anyone about the Lord," she said.

Missing the opportunity to share with her neighbor changed her. Now, she shares with strangers what the Lord is doing. "Now instead of asking the Lord how he could do this to us or what sins I had committed, I started asking him what I was to do next," Mrs. Hooge said.

Since that realization, she has had many opportunities to share with others about the Lord and His faithfulness.

"I have never been tested like I am being tested now," Mrs. Hooge said.

"I've watched Holly move from anger to acceptance," Mr. Hooge said. "Watching her work through all the emotions and managing to still maintain her work and home responsibilities is amazing," he said.

Mrs. Hooge's child still has a small chance to be born normal. So Mrs. Hooge prays, "If she does have Down's syndrome, tell us how to take care of her. May we give her enough information that she knows about you. If she is normal, give us a way to teach her about the miracle she is."

Mrs. Hooge's father said, "I would rather have a grandchild with a disability that knows God than a healthy child that doesn't know God." Mrs. Hooge feels the same.

Mrs. Hooge's girl is due on Feb. 7, 2001. Her name will be Allyson Jane, which means noble, gracious gift of God.