Feature by Sheila Lickfold "The biggest problem is that we see members of the opposite sex as opportunities, instead of brothers and sisters." --Becca Sue Treloar

Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Features | Send mail to The Voice Does Harry Plus Sally Always Equal Romance? Jairus Brennan, Aletha Himes and Becca Sue Treloar visit in the cafeteria after dinner. Himes and Brennan's dating has not hampered their friendship with Treloar. --Rachel Martindale, photo The sun has long gone down on the campus of Multnomah Bible College. Stars litter the sky. A couple occupies a bench near Bradley Hall. She is sobbing while he holds her and comforts her. Other students pass by, knowing exactly what they're seeing. He must be a very understanding boyfriend. "So, how long have you and Jairus been dating?" women ask Becca Sue Treloar, the woman on the bench. Treloar laughs. Jairus Brennan and Treloar are not dating. They never have, and they never intend to. They're "just friends." But Harry Burns of the movie "When Harry Met Sally" disagrees. "Men and women can't just be friends," he said to Sally Albright over a cup of coffee. Despite Harry's lack of faith, both Harry and Sally insisted they would forever remain friends. They seemed to be doing well in the beginning. Later, however, Harry raced down the streets of Manhattan while the rain beat down on him. In sopping wet jeans and T-shirt, he pushed through the doors to a formal party, searched the room and spotted Sally. His drenched face looked desperate as he approached his true love, Sally, and proclaimed his undying love. She, of course, accepted it, and they left the party a happy, loving couple. According to Brennan and Treloar, men and women can be just friends as they are. According to Harry and Sally, they can't be. C.S. Lewis said, "When the two people who thus discover that they are on the same secret road are of different sexes, the friendship which arises between them will very easily pass -- may pass in the first half-hour -- into erotic love. Indeed, unless they are physically repulsive to each other or unless one or both already loves elsewhere, it is almost certain to do so sooner or later." Such a concern still exists here at Multnomah: Can single men and women be just friends? The difficulties arise because of the way students view their brothers and sisters and because of the tendency to gossip. "The biggest problem is that we see members of the opposite sex as opportunities instead of brothers and sisters," Treloar said of single men and women at Multnomah. Dean Bob Bailey, the dean of men, said Christians haven't been taught how to view the opposite sex. Christians need to recognize and understand sexuality but also to see others apart from their sexuality. Christians need to look beyond sexuality to the gifts and character of the other person. Many students said they never try to become friends with the opposite sex because they will be talked about the next day if they're seen together. In light of all this, what can Christians do to maintain strong friendships with the opposite sex on campus or anywhere? How should Christians view the opposite sex? And what should they do about gossip? First, to keep friendship simply that, you have to set boundaries. You have to decide where the physical touch will stop and where the conversation topics will stop. Janie Gustafson, author of the book "Celibate Passion," said, "Friends who want to avoid having their friendship transformed into a romance (consummated or celibate) would do well to avoid physical expressions that they would not engage in with a sibling. What is relevant here is not whether going beyond this would be sinful, but whether I would be likely to push the balance within friendship from individual toward union." Brennan said from the onset of his relationship with Treloar he had told himself they would be nothing but friends, which is something he had never done with a female before. Brennan said, "I'm sincerely blessed by having a close [female] friend. My relationship with her has been the most healthy thing in my life for about a year-and-a-half now." Regarding conversations, both Brennan and Treloar recognize that certain issues would not be appropriate to discuss, so they don't talk about them. But what about gossip? Should Christians simply ignore it? If you're working with someone in ministry or if you are ministering to each other, don't let gossip deter you from doing the Lord's work, Dean Houser said. If people are talking about your friendship, let them know you're just friends. If they keep talking, there is nothing more you can do. "In the body of Christ [if] we avoid each other, we're robbing each other of what we can give each other," Treloar said. "It's better to take the risk [of gossip from others] and try to be friends rather than avoid each other." Men and women must see friendship not only as a possibility, but also as a necessity in the body of Christ. What does that look like later on? What happens when one or both of the friends marry someone else? When Treloar and Brennan began their friendship last year, neither of them had a boyfriend or girlfriend. This year, Brennan is involved in a serious relationship with a long-time friend, Aletha Himes, through whom he met Treloar. Both Brennan and Treloar said their relationship hasn't changed much since Brennan and Himes started dating. They spend less time together, but the level of friendship hasn't changed. Brennan said their friendship is even better this year. What about awkwardness? Treloar said the three of them have no problem being together. Himes and Brennan date, but the three also spend time together, and it isn't awkward. With a laugh Treloar said, "If I stopped being friends with everyone I felt awkward around, I wouldn't have any friends. Platonic relationships [between the sexes] are a season." And if anything, Treloar said, they are necessary. Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Features | Top Of Page Send mail to The Voice| Journalism department website © 2005 The Voice. No part of this publication may be reproduced in written or electronic form without prior written consent from the journalism adviser of Multnomah Bible College. All rights reserved.