Cover Story by Carolyn Stent Mrs. Taylor did not question her responsibility for her mother.

Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Cover Stories | Send mail to The Voice Adult children make a choice for aging parents Linda Taylor (inset) cared for her mother, Dorothy Baker, until she had to place her in a care facility. -Mrs. Taylor, photo Dorothy May Baker picked up the phone and dialed her daughter's number. "I'm ready," she said. Linda Taylor understood her words immediately. Her mother, who lived in Phoenix, Ariz., needed to come live with her in Portland, Ore. Mrs. Taylor works in Multnomah Bible College and Seminary's student employment office. Her mother had survived several strokes that resulted in dementia. She could no longer care for herself. Mrs. Taylor did not question her responsibility for her mother. "I was probably the only one who could have taken her," she said. Mrs. Taylor's brother struggled with alcoholism and her sister's husband needed constant care. Many people face the responsibility of caring for an elderly relative. According to a 1993 study by the U.S. Census Bureau, about half of the people 85 years old or older living in their homes are frail and need assistance with everyday activities. The same study showed that as of 1990, 417,000 men and 1,644,000 women 75 years old and older lived with relatives other than a spouse. Mrs. Taylor moved her mother to Portland and cared for her. Mrs. Taylor, who works full-time, enrolled her mother in day care programs for the elderly. Mrs. Baker's health had deteriorated to the point where Mrs. Taylor could not leave her home alone--even to go shopping. "I was running myself ragged," Mrs. Taylor said. "I was a one-man show." Relatives Included Agatha (Friesen) Johnson clung to her independence. Mrs. Johnson, who worked as director of food services at Multnomah Bible College from 1944-1960, now just managed to feed herself. Mrs. Johnson often suffered from urinary tract infections and lived in a wheelchair during her last eight years at home. Her nephew, Garry Friesen, visited every Sunday. Dr. Friesen, professor of Bible and Theology at Multnomah Bible College, was her only relative in Portland. Mrs. Johnson, having been married and widowed in one year, had no children. One day she broke her leg. She told the medics to leave her on her living room couch. She refused to stay in a care facility during the month before her leg surgery. Dr. Friesen and a neighbor struggled to give Mrs. Johnson high-level hospital care at home. Dr. Friesen said that month was one of the most difficult in his life. After surgery, Mrs. Johnson stayed in a care facility for eight weeks and then returned to her house. She never walked again. Dr. Friesen checked on her every day. He rushed her to the hospital several times because she stopped taking her medicine and the urinary tract infection flared up again. Dr. Friesen realized his aunt needed to move to a care facility where she would have to take her medicine. Home Care No Longer an Option Both Dr. Friesen and Mrs. Taylor eventually reached a point where they needed to place their elderly relative into a care facility. People in these situations must consider both the needs of the elderly individual and their own ability to provide adequate care. Dave Compton, executive director of Love Your Neighbor Ministries, provides emotional and spiritual support to the elderly and their families. He suggested seeking objective input from friends and the medical community to decide whether an elderly relative needs to be placed in a care facility. "You have to weigh the desires and wishes of the elderly person along with what you think is best for the person," he said. "I preserved as much as I could [my aunt's] right to make all decisions," Dr. Friesen said. He first researched and narrowed the options, and then took Mrs. Johnson to several foster care homes. He invited one of Mrs. Johnson's close friends to come along on the visits. She helped Mrs. Johnson clarify her choice. The friend also removed the burden of sole responsibility for the decision from Dr. Friesen. Mrs. Johnson did not like any of the homes Dr. Friesen showed her. "The last thing she wanted was to have some woman tell her what to do," Dr. Friesen said. However, he found a foster care home with a Romanian family and persuaded Mrs. Johnson to move in. Her health improved within months. Mrs. Taylor considered a foster care home when her daughter suggested that she could no longer adequately care for her mother. Although Mrs. Taylor had researched care facilities, she could not bring herself to place Mrs. Baker into one. At her daughter's insistence, Mrs. Taylor finally visited several foster care homes. These homes only accommodate up to five elderly people. She found one with a Christian Romanian family. "I knew from the moment I walked in," Mrs. Taylor said. "It had everything I wanted: no steps to fall down, a patio on which mother could sit and a fenced backyard so she couldn't wander away." Mrs. Taylor did not involve her mother in her decision; Mrs. Baker's dementia had progressed to a point where she often did not recognize people. Instead, Mrs. Taylor packed a suitcase and told her mother they would visit friends. Mrs. Taylor said moving her mother to a care facility was the hardest thing she had ever done. Her mother related it to old peoples' homes similar to those from her childhood. "She screamed at me and cried," Mrs. Taylor said. Making the Transition Mr. Compton suggested several ways to make the transition to a care facility easier for an elderly relative. "The best thing is to transport as much of the familiar with them as possible," he said. A care giver or family member should visit various facilities with the elderly relative. Before the elderly person moves in, decorate the person's room with his personal items. Mr. Compton emphasized the importance of making sure elderly relatives understand their rights within the new, often restrictive environment of a care facility. Finally, a close friend or relative should accompany the relative to the care facility. Mr. Compton said an elderly person needs to be surrounded by a support system of the people he or she trusts the most. During the last year of his aunt's life, Dr. Friesen looked for other people who knew Mrs. Johnson well enough to make decisions for her. Mrs. Johnson's two sisters and her neighbor agreed to share this responsibility. For instance, when Mrs. Johnson could no longer eat, the four people agreed the doctors should insert a feeding tubeto her stomach. Two Stories Among Many Mrs. Johnson grew sweeter and easier to care for during the last year of her life. She died on May 6, 2000. At her request, Dr. Friesen donated the remaining money from her estate to the Lonie Freisen Tucker Bible Scholarship fund at Multnomah Bible College and Seminary. Two--and--a--half years after Mrs. Taylor placed her mother in the foster care home, care givers called to tell her they could not wake up her mother. Mrs. Taylor rushed to the home. "Mother, it's me," Mrs. Taylor said at her mother's bedside. Mrs. Baker, who hadn't recognized her daughter in years, opened her eyes and said, "Linda!" "I sat and read her everything I knew about heaven from the scriptures, and she went home to be with the Lord," Mrs. Taylor said. Dr. Friesen and his aunt, Mrs. Johnson, hold birthday cards made by friends of the family. -Dr. Friesen, photo Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Cover Stories | Top Of Page Send mail to The Voice| Journalism department website © 2001 The Voice. 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