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by Joy Huff

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Memorial Women Crown the New 'Miss Multnomah'

Dani Knechtel loads up for a stuffed animal shoot. --Rebekah Farquhar, photo

Women packed the lower lounge, snacking on munchies and laughing as the Miss Multnomah contestants smoothed out last-minute preparations on the balcony upstairs.

The "Miss Multnomah" competition has been happening longer than dean of women Karen Fancher has worked at Multnomah -- nine years. "No one really knows when it started," Dean Fancher said. "Some crazy RAs probably came up with the idea to have fellowship, and it's been a tradition ever since." Margaux Burleson said, "It parodies the Miss America beauty pageant. It's a group event focused on humor and creativity where the societal conception of beauty is distinctly mocked."

The emcee, Anna Ovenall, announced the contestants as they descended the Upper Memorial Dorm staircase to the crowd below. The first group, "Redneck Women," entered with fake teeth and drawls to match. The second group, "The Housewives Who Don't Do Anything," entered wearing pajama pants and sung an adapted version of Veggie Tales' "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" to fit their persona. Finally, "The Proverbs 31 Women," wearing high heels and pearls, entered to a modified reading of the Proverbs 31 passage.

After a short commercial break -- including The Housewives Who Don't Do Anything pretending to sell "Kid," a made-in-China house-worker who completed chores when thrown jellybeans -- the contestants re-entered in attire for the "Evening Out with Hubby" event.

Audience members called out coffee date offers while the emcee hosted an on-the-spot question drawing. The Housewives drew the question, "How do you make time for yourself amidst a busy schedule?" but had not pulled the card themselves; they threw their "Kid" a jellybean, forcing her to draw the card.

During the talent segment of the evening, the Redneck Women declared they would pretend to shoot stuffed animals from the balcony while line dancing. But before the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" started, the lead Redneck had to fasten her second overall strap to retain her pregnant belly.

Then as the audience clapped to the beat and howled in laughter, the Rednecks performed. Burleson said: "I originally learned the dance at a Mormon stake dance. Practicing in the hall and doing the dance in high heels was quite an experience."

Also during the talent section, the Proverbs 31 Women showed off their multiple talents of calling husbands to dinner while playing the triangle. With the clanging of triangles still ringing in their ears, the judges went out to deliberate over who deserved the title.

Minutes later, the judges returned with trophies in hand: three unused plungers -- plain, silver and gold.

Resident director Beth Cox, one of the judges, said the groups were not judged on beauty but on costumes, creativity, and how participants correlated their activities and responses with their character.

The Proverbs 31 Women received the plain plunger, and The Housewives Who Don't Do Anything earned the silver. The Redneck Women won the coveted gold plunger and were crowned the new Miss Multnomah.

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