Ed spent his childhood in Loyalville, a Pennsylvania farming town with a population of 70. Loyalville Methodist Church was at the center of town and at the center of life. Ed's world consisted of songs about eternal life and everlasting love. In Ed's mind, he already lived in heaven.

Then at age 13, just after his family had moved from their little "heaven" to the Jersey shore, a drunk driver killed his mother.

"Hearing my Mom was in the emergency room dying of her injuries," Ed said, "I fought back the tears and prayed as hard as I knew how. It was to no avail. She was gone."

Everything Ed had learned about God no longer mattered.

"I was hurt so deeply, and my heart was so broken," Ed said, "that I grew angry and bitter toward God. I felt He had let me down."

As Ed's family moved away from the Jersey shore, Ed moved away from God. He stopped attending church. He tried numbing his aching heart with alcohol, marijuana and tobacco. He changed jobs constantly and never pursued relationships. When he tried praying, his mind wandered.

"My life consisted of drudgery and duty, and my heart was constantly aching," Ed said.

More than 30 years later, while working at a Portland G.I. Joes, Ed met Ryan, a Christian co-worker.

But Ryan was in trouble. He had neglected to fill out proper paperwork in a rifle sale; now he faced possible fines and jail time. Ryan didn't hide his guilt but readily confessed his wrong doing to Ed and other employees. "He was cheerful and upbeat in the face of this trouble, and I was amazed," Ed said.

He knew that Ryan had attended Multnomah Bible College. Ed saw Ryan greeting friends with bear hugs. Ryan was different. But early in the moring before the store opened, Ed also saw Ryan discouraged. Ryan's troubles moved Ed to pray, despite still fearing God.

One day, Ed told Ryan that he had prayed. Ed's sympathy surprised Ryan. Ryan had spoken with every other store employee about the Gospel, but not with Ed.

Ryan seized the opportunity and asked if Ed went to church. God, Ed said, would strike him with lightening if he dared darken a church's door.

Ryan returned to work, but several hours later, he asked, "Ed, do you want to come to church with me?"

"Would you want to be seen in church with me?" Ed asked.

"I'd love to worship God with you, Ed," Ryan replied.

Ed felt privileged that Ryan wanted to attend church with him. He couldn't wait for Sunday.

"There were no lightning or earthquakes when I went inside," Ed said, "but there was an ocean of love. I nearly drowned."

A few weeks later, Ed accepted Ryan's invitation to his church's Thanksgiving dinner. After the dinner, Ryan gave Ed a gift, "The Story of Jesus" video, based on Luke's Gospel.

That night as Ed watched the movie, he remembered Loyalville. What he heard on the video echoed what he had heard in that little church.

The video said, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life," (John 3:16 NIV).

"At the end of the tape when the narrator explained how to have a personal relationship with the Lord," Ed said, "I got down on my knees and confessed my sinfulness and recognized God's love of sacrificing His Son in my place. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and be my Lord.

"I was flooded with warmth and light," Ed said. "Love burst out of my shattered heart as it became whole."

Peace and rest filled Ed's soul. He no longer felt ashamed of his past or anxious about his future.

Over the last three years, Ed has realized that God "did the right thing for Mom."

"She believed in Jesus," Ed said. "She is with Him, waiting for me. God showed me that He understood my anger and confusion; He forgave me and loved me in spite of myself. Every day with Him is more precious than all those years of bitterness and grief."