Cover Story
by Mike Richeson
"The Federal Marriage Ammendment, if passed, would keep the courts from defining marriage in a way most Americans would find completely offensive."
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'We deserve the same rights'
A Canadian marriage commissioner marries Floyd Sklaver and Marc
Acito. Television reporters filmed the ceremony. -Floyd Sklaver, photo
"Marc wanted to do it, so I let him," Floyd Sklaver, official bridegroom, said.
Marc Acito and Floyd Sklaver made a dash for the Canadian border just a week after Canada passed a law allowing legal gay marriage. They were married behind the Canadian Parliament building in Victoria, B.C., only the second couple to do so. A correct marriage license is on the way.
"We had never had a commitment ceremony before because we refused," Mr. Acito said. "We didn't feel the need to have a ceremony that didn't give us any rights. We were holding out to marry legally."
In the United States, marriage between homosexuals is still illegal, but groups such as Basic Rights Oregon are demanding change.
"The issue we care about is civil marriage, not religious marriage," Roey Thorpe, executive director of Basic Rights Oregon, said. "There are over 1,000 rights that are denied gays but given to heterosexuals. I understand that people don't want to sponsor gay marriage in the church, and that's fine, but the state should confer upon its citizens equal rights."
Glen Stanton, senior analyst for marriage and sexuality at Focus on the Family, sees a problem in making a distinction between civil and holy union. "That portrays marriage as a Santa Claus that delivers good things," he said. "Marriage is more than what you get out of it; it is a social norm. The government has a compelling interest to praise and elevate heterosexual marriage because it provides a tangible good. Homosexual couples can't say that."
Both Mr. Acito and Mr. Sklaver are writers. Mr. Acito writes "The Gospel According to Marc," syndicated in 18 gay and lesbian publications, and Mr. Sklaver is a technical writer for a company based in Dallas, Texas.
The pair lives in Southwest Portland in a flat-roofed, brown house with their dog, Sherman, an extremely friendly black-and-white Pekinese.
Mr. Acito and Mr. Sklaver met in New York City in 1986 working for a producer on Broadway. "It was love at first sight," Mr. Acito said. They moved to Oregon in 1990 when Mr. Sklaver got a job there. This Halloween marks their 17-year anniversary.
Their Canadian marriage offers them no rights in the United States, but they exchanged vows as a symbol to the state of Oregon. "We are working with Basic Rights Oregon to force the state to give us the same rights," Mr. Sklaver said. "No one can give me a reason why our relationship of 17 years is less valid than a heterosexual relationship of 17 days."
Ms. Thorpe said the goal of Basic Rights Oregon is "to end discrimination in Oregon against people, based on their sexual orientation.
"We want our relationships recognized. Why shouldn't gays be allowed to marry?"
"Gay people define themselves out of marriage," Mr. Stanton said. "Anyone has the right to marry, but they have to follow the criteria: You can't marry a family member. You can't marry someone who is already married. You must marry an adult, and you can't marry someone of the same sex.
"They want to change marriage to something that has never existed in any other civilization in history. You always find marriage between a man and a woman. Is that because there have always been Republicans enforcing that? No, it is a universal law because God wired us that way."
Basic Rights Oregon and other groups are intently watching numerous court cases across the United States to see if gay marriage has a chance to become legal. Thirty seven states have "Defense of Marriage Acts" that ban homosexual marriage. Oregon has no such law.
Congress is trying to pass The Federal Marriage Amendment, which would codify marriage as only between one man and one woman. Basic Rights Oregon is working to keep the amendment from passing, and other gay rights organizations are gaining momentum across the country.
"In many ways, homosexual marriage is a foregone conclusion, other than it hasn't happened yet," Mr. Stanton said. "The Federal Marriage Amendment, if passed, would keep the courts from defining marriage in a way most Americans would find offensive.
"The thing that has really opened the door to homosexual marriage is the thought that each marriage is an island that doesn't affect anybody else. That's just foolish thinking. Marriage is not simply an individualistic emotional relationship."
Mr. Acito and Mr. Sklaver said that gay marriage would actually strengthen families in the United States. "We are not a threat to marriage," Mr. Acito said. "Actually, heterosexual marriage could use the support. They aren't doing so well."
Ms. Thorpe agrees. "Marriage is in a bad state," she said. "It might behoove us to think about ways to strengthen people's commitments to one another, especially for the protection of children who have gay parents."
As hard as groups like Basic Rights Oregon try to make gay marriage a civil rights issue, they face an uphill battle. Because the overwhelming scientific evidence shows no genetic link to homosexuality, gays must prove that their lifestyle is not a choice.
Loving v. Virginia, the famous 1967 case that made interracial marriage legal, is continually brought up to affirm the case for gay marriage. "The arguments against interracial marriage are the same as the arguments against gay marriage," Ms. Thorpe said. "In fact, polling shows that more people were against interracial marriage than there are against gays marrying."
Opponents, however, point to Baker v. Nelson, a case in 1970 when the court ruled that the prohibition against same-sex marriage should not be struck down even in light of Loving v. Virginia.
"There is not one academic institution that has been able to define homosexual orientation as the same thing as race or gender," Mr. Stanton said. "There is no connection, and the courts have not felt that race and sexuality are the same thing. Homosexual groups use Loving v. Virginia as a way to make those opposed to gay marriage look bigoted."
The alarming statistics that come out of the gay community also cause concern. A 2001 report in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that gays and lesbians have extremely high rates of psychiatric illness, drug and alcohol abuse and suicide. Gay men are also 1,000 times more likely to contract AIDS, and their life expectancy is cut by 20 years.
Neither Ms. Thorpe, Mr. Acito, or Mr. Sklaver denied any of these statistics, but they blamed society's treatment of homosexuals as the problem, not homosexuality itself.
"Those statistics were taken from San Fransisco and the Netherlands," Mr. Stanton said. "Those places are extremely gay-friendly areas. Even in ideal situations, you don't see those statistics improve because humans are not made to be gay, and when you go against that, bad things happen."
The reputation of promiscuity among the gay community greatly offends Ms. Thorpe. "Those rumors are far from the truth," she said.
Nevertheless, Mr. Stanton points to studies that show the average gay couple stays together for 1.5 years, far shorter than heterosexual couples, and has an average of eight extra partners per year outside of the relationship.
"Lesbians are more monogamous than gay men," he said. "For gay men, monogamy is almost an impossibility. Generally, what they mean by monogamous is that they have outside relationships, and the partner is OK with that. Any gay man who tells you promiscuity is not rampant is just lying."
Beyond the sociological reasons opposing gay marriage, homosexuals generally brush aside religious arguments as ignorant or narrow-minded.
"I think it's pretty dangerous when Christians start quoting from the Old Testament against homosexuality," Ms. Thorpe said.
"The Bible is not an all-or-nothing proposition," Mr. Acito said. "I'm a great lover of the Bible, but it is naïve to think that it is actually God's word. That kind of narrow view leads to extremism like we see in the Middle East.
"I'm a Christian; I believe Jesus is my personal savior, and I try to live like Jesus as much as I can. I abide by the Ten Commandments, but those handful of verses against homosexuality are just wrong."
Mr. Sklaver and Mr. Acito will continue to fight for a legal marriage in the United States. Basic Rights Oregon will continue to lobby politicians and the courts to grant homosexuals what they see as their due rights. But is the issue that simple?
"There are a few homosexuals who want domesticated life," Mr. Stanton said. "They want the life of the Cleavers, only with two Junes or two Wards. But they are very few. Most do not support the idea of marriage because it goes against the idea of being radical and counter-culture. Why would they want to be like the couple next door?
"Most homosexuals say they support marriage because they see this as an efficient way to overthrow the traditional view of marriage. It's not just about rights; it's about overthrowing. It's about revolution."
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