Column by Pamela Heckinger ...They assume that one will have a perfect relationship by following the plan that worked for them.

Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Columns | Send mail to The Voice I kissed dating books goodbye Don't kiss until you're married. Don't spend more than four hours per week alone. Don't date longer than two years. Don't.... I've heard volumes of advice on the godly model of dating. But I am not convinced only one God-ordained way exists to enter into marital bliss. Some people, drawing from the Old Testament, say I should find a spouse the same way Abraham found a bride for Isaac. "This is the only godly way to find a mate," they say. But they neglect the other options presented in the text, such as perfuming oneself and lying at the feet of a potential mate. Or, as I've heard another cynic suggest, ask God to create a mate for us out of a spare rib. "God worked in a certain way then; He will surely work in the same way in your life today," the message implies. We can glean principles from the relationships of Scripture, but formulaic mate-selection prescriptions ignore the context and culture within the word of God. Many Christian books present strategic plans of dating. Although the authors write with good intentions, they assume that one will have a perfect relationship by following the plan that worked for them. Can God only work within the confines of one person's definition of dating? No, God is not limited to one understanding of dating. Perhaps I'm dancing with post-modernism. But I appreciate the aspects of postmodernism that prevent me from assuming absolutes in an area with shades of gray. Some couples choose to refrain from kissing before marriage; others do kiss. Some couples find balance through a quota of hours for being alone; others need more time together. Some couples suffer an unhealthy relationship when dating longer than two years; others need time to make sure they are meant for each other. Ultimately, obedience to the instructions God has given us in Scripture is what is important, and we should enjoy the freedom we have within those instructions. A method may work for one person, but not everyone marries a woman who offers water to his servant's camels. Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Columns | Top Of Page Send mail to The Voice| Journalism department website © 2001 The Voice. No part of this publication may be reproduced in written or electronic form without prior written consent from the journalism adviser of Multnomah Bible College. All rights reserved.