Cover Story by Rikki Porter "We found when he came that there were no surprises--he was exactly what I had pictured him to be, and he felt the same way about me," Hadley said.

Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Cover Stories | Send mail to The Voice Multnomah students tell of their Internet dating experiences Suzanne Hadley and Mike Cocke met in the Global Christian College chat room. So many people have said they found true love on the Internet that I logged on one day to find out what all the hype was about. I entered AltaVista's Christian Singles Chat and asked if anyone wanted to talk to a "19/f/OR" (19-year-old female from Oregon). Most people were too busy with their own conversations to pay any attention to me. After about five minutes, "TomSC," from South Carolina started chatting with me. An hour later, "TomSC" and I had covered all topics from the weather to college to work to God. We talked for another half -hour before he had to leave. He asked me to meet him in the same chat room at 8 p.m. his time. I told him I would meet him and he left. I stayed on-line for another hour, then logged off. At 5 that evening, I re-entered Christian Singles Chat and waited for "TomSC." I started talking to "Matt." At 5:45 p.m., I logged off the Internet--"TomSC" had stood me up. My Internet dating experience didn't go so well. For many people, though, dating with a computer has brought more than just a passing fancy. Michael Blythe, a sophomore at Multnomah, spent a lot of time on the Internet last term. He discovered chat rooms and viewed them as a way to meet friends and share his faith. "I'd go to the Christian chat room and get to meet a lot of people," Blythe said. "It's easy to make friendships and get to know people." But, he warned, people are not always who they say they are. Midway into spring semester last year, Blythe met someone special in a chat room. "I met this girl who lived somewhere on the East Coast. She was just really fun to hang out with--fun to talk to," Blythe said. "When she had a free afternoon and I was done with classes, we'd get on the computer at the same time. Our relationship progressed. "I sent her gifts for her birthday, and she sent me something for my birthday. When you get a box from someone, or an actual letter, everything becomes more real." After about six weeks, Blythe noticed something was wrong. "This relationship consumed a lot of my time and was a major distraction in my life. Homework and everything else took a back seat to this friendship," he said. Blythe decided that the distraction was too much and decided to end the relationship. "Things just became weird. I finally heard God say, 'Cut this out; it's a waste of time.' I guess the lights came on, and I realized this was a waste of time and unhealthy. "She was pretty upset, but there was nothing I could do about it," Blythe said. "I just left it in God's hands." Blythe does not advise people to go on-line to find a relationship. He believes one can too easily get hurt or get too wrapped up in the experience. "There are plenty of people here that are around you to interact with," Blythe said. Blythe said that spending too much time in cyberspace is unhealthy and a waste of time. "Part of the problem is that people simply don't trust God to bring the right person into their life, to be their matchmaker, and to give them healthy relationships," Blythe said. "People don't trust that God has their best interests in mind, so they try and find a relationship their own way. "The information superhighway may seem like this infinite environment to meet the right person, but there's more danger than good there," Blythe said. "Even if you're lucky and you don't actually get hurt, the Internet will consume most of your time and take your focus off the important things. A lot of things in my life, like grades, suffered because it consumed me." Senior Suzanne Hadley has also used the Internet and chat rooms to meet new people. In May 1998, after school ended, Hadley had free time for two weeks. "I had two weeks when I got really bored, there was nothing to do, so I went into the chat room," she said. "I had never made any lasting friends, I just talked to people. It was cool meeting people from all over the world. I wasn't on there looking for someone at all; I was just on there to socialize," Hadley said. Then, during her fifth visit to the Christian Global Network College chat room, she met "Tigerboy." She shared her testimony and "Tigerboy," whose name is Mike Cocke, said he had experienced a similar conversion. Hadley and Cocke began meeting in the chat room more frequently. They found they had much in common with each other: their belief systems, the way they grew up, the fact that they had both made a major move when they were 12 years old, and the importance they place on family. Though they were chatting every night and e-mailing regularly, Hadley remained guarded. "I was really skeptical all the time," she said. "I was the last person who would meet someone on the Internet. I would never give out my web-site address or my e-mail address, even in a Christian chat room, because I was freaked out. You have to be careful because you hear that there are weirdos out there who aren't who they say they are." In the middle of June that year, Cocke, a Reserve Officer Training Corps cadet, went to military combat survival training. He e-mailed Hadley and gave her his address there. Hadley wrote a few letters but never received a response. Cocke and Hadley hadn't promised to keep in touch, so she believed that the relationship was over. About a month later, Hadley received a letter from Cocke. "He had gotten back from combat survival training and hadn't been able to write to me there," she said. "He told me that my letter had meant so much to him even though he didn't have a chance to write." During the summer, Hadley didn't have Internet access, so she and Cocke wrote letters back and forth. When Hadley returned to Multnomah and had access to e-mail, they began to correspond even more. In October, Cocke began to call Hadley twice a month. Soon, Hadley began to want to meet Cocke. "When you're corresponding through e-mail, you get to know a person really well really fast because it's so concentrated on communication," Hadley said. "I was kind of starting to like him. I was at a point of frustration thinking, 'This guy is really neat, but I'm probably never going to meet him.' I was telling my mom about it and she asked, 'Well, why don't you invite him out?'" Hadley was hesitant, but her parents extended an invitation to Cocke to visit not only Hadley, but her family as well. Cocke, who had a free plane ticket that had to be used by January, flew to Oregon in December, during Hadley's Christmas break. "We found when he came that there were no surprises--he was exactly what I had pictured him to be, and he felt the same way about me," Hadley said. "When he came, we made the decision to date, but it only lasted for one week," Hadley said. "I felt that this was not what God wanted for me right now. It had nothing to do with the Internet; I just felt that there were things God wanted me to focus on besides a romantic relationship." Hadley visited Cocke in Texas during the summer of 1999. "I had a wonderful time, and we had fun together. But we had some serious talks. We decided that for now it would be best for us to go back to being casual acquaintances," she said. "God may bring us back together one day," Hadley said, "but for now, this is the way it has to be. I don't feel that it has to do with the fact that we began our relationship over the Internet; I think it's more a long-distance relationship issue." If she had the experience to do over again, Hadley said she would. "As for looking for someone to date on the Internet, I don't think it's a good idea. But if you find a friend, I don't think you can say God doesn't allow people to meet on the Internet. I don't think God can be put in a box." Rikki Porter has never been out on a date - Internet or otherwise. Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Cover Stories | Top Of Page Send mail to The Voice © 1999 The Voice. No part of this publication may be reproduced in written or electronic form without prior written consent from the journalism adviser of Multnomah Bible College. All rights reserved.