Cover Story by Alaina Schilling "It was a deceptive lifestyle, and I was really good at it," Flint said.

Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Cover Stories | Send mail to The Voice Student defeats eating disorder through God's love Flint used coffee as a supplement for food. Alaina Schilling, photo Maria Rainbow Flint, 22, did not struggle with her self-image until her senior year of high school. During that year, 1998, male friends led her into a chat program. Chatting became like an addiction for her, and she often stayed up late, talking in the chat rooms until the early hours of the morning. After seeing her picture, the men she met online told her how beautiful she was and that they wanted to marry her. At the same time, she developed a habit of eating late at night while chatting with the men. Flint began thinking, if I keep on eating junk food at three in the morning, I'm going to get fat, and these boys aren't going to think I'm beautiful anymore. Then what am I going to do? Who would value me? Flint felt useless and ugly, but she hesitated to tell anyone because she had ranted to her friends about their insecurities with self-image. Instead, she decided to eat "healthy," which meant hardly eating at all. She usually ate miniscule amounts for breakfast and dinner and completely skipped lunch. Her family never suspected she was actually starving herself: She was too much of a perfectionist to let people know she needed help. For the majority of her senior year, she was anorexic. Lois Vos, professor of physical education at Multnomah Bible College, has dealt with many young women who have had eating disorders. She said that the typical anorexic puts food on the table and "pretends" to eat. Flint's intake was 500 to 600 calories per day. She also became extremely active in school and in extra curricular activities so that her eating habits would go unnoticed. "It was a deceptive lifestyle, and I was really good at it," Flint said. According to Self-help Magazine Online, this deceptive lifestyle is common in people who struggle with anorexia. "People with anorexia rarely disobey, keep their feelings to Rainbow's emotions soon became negative. She was constantly paranoid and felt lonely, helpless and alienated. Seeing any beauty in herself, going to church and having fun became skewed and painful. Self-help Magazine Online also says that "people with eating disorders share certain personality traits: low self-esteem, feelings of helplessness and fear of becoming fat." Flint remembers sweeping the floor while baby-sitting. She was experiencing heartburn and tasted stomach acid in her mouth. "I was looking at the cabinet of food thinking, if only I could be OK with [my body] enough to eat some food, all of this pain I'm having would go away," she said. "I didn't feel worth enough or have enough strength to view food or myself normally." When friends asked Flint about her relationship with god, she was able to deceive them because she was more devoted to her study times than ever before, although they felt empty and meaningless. One of the friends was Ben Crawford, a previous MBC student and a strong Christian. She and Ben had met at a summer camp in 1997, and they kept in touch until she became anorexic. She knew that if she continued to talk with him, he would eventually discover her disease. The first time flint knew she was completely lying to herself and others about her disorder was after she lied to Crawford about the status of her relationship with God. Flint realized then that she was deep in sin, and the starvation was keeping her from God. She knew that her problem was not because of food but because she wasn't able to see herself through God's eyes. She began to pray for a way out. She didn't know how to make people aware of her problem. According to Vos, eating disorders are about control issues for women. "It's not about the food," she said. "Anorexia is like a slow suicide. They are trying to commit suicide, but it takes a lot of years to do it." "Running from God is one thing, but running from God knowingly and not knowing how to stop running is much worse," Flint said. A month later, Crawford had an all night prayer fest, and Flint decided to go. People met in Crawford's two-story house to sing and pray. During the night they studied sin and the different types of sin. Crawford, who was leading the study, asked everyone to write down his or her personal sins on a piece of paper. When they had prayed for forgiveness, they were supposed to burn the sheet of paper in the fireplace to symbolize God's forgiveness. "I had this page, front and back, filled with a huge wall between me and god that I put up by being so concerned with my self-image," Flint said. "I was trying to control my life myself." Flint threw the paper in the fire and watched it burn. "[I realized] God would completely forgive me and wanted to take me into his arms to love me and show me the image he had of me," she said. That night Flint told her friend, Hope, that she was anorexic. Hope, who had struggle with anorexia, knew exactly how flint felt and what she needed. Hope helped Flint to realize that she was allowed to fail at some things. "She told me to live in Psalm 139... to just make myself realize that God loves me as much as the Psalm is telling me," Flint said. That summer she and Hope counseled at a camp together and often stayed up until 3 a.m. talking about their issues and struggles. The relationship between the two women prompted Flint's healing. "I think that has a lot to do with why we can feel safe with Christ," she said. "He knows what we're going through so well." Flint was able to tell more people about her eating disorder and realize that god loved her the way she was. She now has healthy eating habits and can eat a meal without torturing herself afterward for doing so. Her healing also prompted her to star Beloved. Beloved is a support group for Multnomah women struggling with eating disorders. The group meets every Friday at 6:30 p.m. at Flint's house. Back to Table of Contents | Back to Main Index Previous Cover Stories | Top Of Page Send mail to The Voice| Journalism department website © 2002 The Voice. No part of this publication may be reproduced in written or electronic form without prior written consent from the journalism adviser of Multnomah Bible College. All rights reserved.